Tuesday, February 19, 2008

CBA Banned Words: a funny

Found this posted at a blog called Seven angels, three kids, one family.


I’ve managed to acquire some secret documentation!

Minutes For the Second Meeting Of the Forbidden Words List of the Christian Booksellers Association (the CBA)


Project Name: Forbidden Words List
Meeting Date: January 19th, 2008
Subject: validation of intent plus call for additions to prior list

FIRST POINT: Reviewing our mission statement. Statement amended to:

We God’s chosen publishers, in order to portray a more accurate vision of the world to the people who pay us fifteen bucks apiece for books, have gathered together in a spirit of shepherding our weaker brothers. Our customers consider our authors trusted friends whom they have invited into their homes. In order to prevent boycotts or the return of unsold product due to questionable language, it is necessary to codify a list of words which are so shameful that there is no way they can ever be acceptable in any CBA title.

SECOND POINT: Determining additional words for our forbidden list.

Publishing CEO: We need to avoid that word.
CEO’s Attorney: Which word?
CEO: You know…
Attorney: No, I don’t.
An Actual Editor: What does it mean?
CEO: {turns bright pink up to his ears}
Editorial Assistant: Oh! That word.
CEO’s Attorney: That word should definitely go on the list.
CEO: I can’t even stand to type it.
Actual Editor: I still don’t know what word we’re talking about.
CEO: It begins with an E.
Editorial Assistant: The one I was thinking of begins with an I.
Attorney: I’ve taken the liberty of jotting down the two most egregious words.
Actual Editor: Do you really think you should have written them on a pad
that has ‘Things To Do Today’ imprinted across the top?
Attorney: {gasp!} Dear me!
CEO: Hey, watch your mouth!
Legal Secretary: Before we get too far afield, let me read back the list we’ve compiled so far.
General Outcry: NO!!!!!!

[There was a fifteen minute break while the CEO was revived with smelling salts and two editorial assistants treated for trauma-induced deafness.]

THIRD POINT: The current list of forbidden words:
{censored} even if used in prayer
{censored} because it rhymes with {censored}

• Read widely to find as many objectionable things as possible (by next meeting)
• Ban said things (by next meeting)
• Provide example of sterilized fiction that thrills and excites non-Christians (pending)


cathikin said...

{censored}, for sure.

Deb said...

Well, item #3 on the action list shouldn't be too big a challenge. There are plenty of sterilized books out there. Not mine, of course...